Opaque

Everything happens for a reason. We know about it but we prefer not to explore. Let it be. Just go with the flow.

But wait, if that is what were you thinking, you are nearly the same like me. Not exactly!

A talk by Prof. Sidek Baba at Malaysia Hall Sydney last night has helped to broaden up my view. Seeing new things from the real angle. Seeing it straight right in front of your face. We might say, that is not 'thinking outside of the box', but how sure are we that 'outside of the box' is not 'inside of the box?' Confuse? Be my guest.

Why am I here? I know my target but I am not sure how to finish it. I am confuse, with conflicts in between make it harder for me to decide. I have then became a man of nothing. Start to do anything but not the thing that I have chosen at the beginning. I dont wanna finish what I have started. I want to create new things and leave it whenever I like. No finishing with lots of beginning.

I blamed my first choice on what had happened to me. No more patience. No more hardwork. No more always on the top. It left with a person with no soul, doing something which needs soul to live on. Contra. It is hard to explain but it is clear to the eyes.

Being a student who studies overseas is always my dream but it is not an easy dream to achieve, only those lucky one might be chosen. I am not a genius neither a talented person. I am just another ordinary kampung boy who always lucky in what I am doing. "Just my luck", may be the best movie to describe my whole story.

I dream to be an architect mainly because of the high salaries. I dont care about what people say. I know what I want, eventhough I know nothing about it. The only think that defines architect to me is just the words 'high salaries', full stop. Owh forgot to include, I have drawn a beautiful Minagkabau House when I was 10. Very beautiful drawing and that was the only one that I have.

I got it! Architect. Overseas. Australia. A friend of mine told me that my flow in life is wonderful. It flows smoothly, no obstacle in between.

But then, it is not easy to get easy. The last stage always the toughest. As we grow older, hoping to get wiser; those challenges that we have gone through help us in finding the real reason why we are the one chosen to get involve in that circumstances. There's always a reason.

One point that has became another source of lights for me to get to the real reason,

" Bila kamu belajar di sana, ceduklah sedalam2 mana termampu ilmu dan taburlah semula di negara kamu sendiri. Olah dan sesuaikan dengan keadaan semasa, berlandaskan hukum Allah, buat semua yg dahagakan ilmu di sana. Kamu insan terpilih dan setiap pilihan itu pastinya terkandung sebab2 tertentu."

Hope it shines forever so I can see through my eyes, through my heart and through my mind.

Yes, this post is very confusing, just like my mind at the moment. The end is still blur but the path to get there is started to get clear. Finger cross, hoping for the better.